sea letters

The sea, beautiful, alluring and powerful creature that she is, sometimes swallows ships and their passengers whole. These found bottles, lockets of last words, carried across waves by wind or carried reluctantly across the ocean floor by deep currents, harbor the hope that their authors last thoughts will not go unheard.. I have collected these bottles and documented them and the stories contained within. And now, with great care, I share them with you. I've limited names to their initials but, otherwise, kept the messages in tact.

Bottle #LIB 10211

How do you prepare to be digested by the sea? In a matter of moments, the ocean will open up and swallow me down, and it is my hope that she will grant me this one concession in exchange for my life – to carry this note to the living on the shore.

To my children, B and L, I want you each to know that I believe you are absolutely perfect, just as you are. As you go about living your very different lives, making choices, mistakes, friends and lovers, let nothing shake you from this truth – that you are absolutely perfect, just as you are. Even when you are imperfect. I want you to know that my own life, now so close to ending, was exponentially enriched by having you in it. I believe that bringing the two of you into being was the best thing I have done for the world.

A few gratitudes, not necessarily in order of importance: warm sunshine; deep music; the sound that trees make in a light wind; My sister E, who is my best friend and best person I know; and the man that I love, C, who electrifies my life in so many ways; hot biscuits; my dearest friends.

And two regrets. I’ve had some struggles and made a lot of mistakes, but perhaps my biggest shortcoming of all was fear – fear of larger failures and fear of my own success. I think I would have been a better person by far if I had been more flexible with my self-concept. And I would love to be able to say that I wasted no moments on self-pity or reckless fantasy. But, I have squandered at least half of my 34 years playing virtual games with the past and future.

I am happy to be able to write that I am learning my lesson, so I must end this letter. I have a few minutes of sunshine to soak up before this ship sinks.

LP

Bottle #LIB 10210

DEAR LOVED ONES OR WHOEVER READS THIS, HERE I SIT AS ALWAYS PETRIFIED OF WATER THINKING "I TOLD Y'ALL SO" I CAN'T BLAME YOU BECAUSE I COULD HAVE SAID "NO" BUT I DO WANT TO TELL YOU IN THIS LAST FEW MINUTES OF MY LIFE TO BACK OFF FROM PUSHING PEOPLE TO DO WHAT YOU THINK THEY OUGHT TO DO BECAUSE YOU THINK IT'S FUN OR BECAUSE YOU THINK WE ALL OUGHT TO OVERCOME OUR FEARS AND CHARGE ON. WELL, AS I GO DOWN WITH THE SHIP I'M GOING TO BE AS TERRIFIED AS EVER AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE I'M AFRAID OF DYING I'M STILL TERRIFIED OF WATER, ESPECIALLY IN LARGE QUANTITIES. BY THE WAY HAD I BEEN ON LAND AT THIS TIME I BELIEVE THAT I WOULD DIE AT THE SAME TIME THAT I AM . SO DON'T FEEL YOU CAUSED MY DEATH, JUST THAT YOU MADE MY LIFE AS I EXIT UNPLEASANT. IF I HAD MORE TIME AND MORE PAPER I WOULD PROBABLY NOT SEND THIS BECAUSE IT MIGHT MAKE Y'ALL FEEL BAD BUT MY PAPERS GONE AND MY 20 MINUTES ARE UP SO I'LL JUST SAY I LOVE ALL OF YOU AND PUSH YOURSELF TO DO THINGS AND LEAVE OTHERS ALONE WITH THEIR OWN HANGUPS.
LOVE YA RMR2004

Bottle #LIB 10205

As I wave good-bye, I hope you will consider these eleven points. After a handful of decades or so on this planet, I’ve developed some points of view. I’m not saying that they are one-hundred-percent-idiot-proof-and-empirically-studied-and-validated-by-tenured-teams-of-greatly-informed-hoo-ha-minds. Not at all, I’m just saying that these are things that happen to ring true to me. Strange little nuggets that they may be. They’re all true. Well, as far as I’m concerned anyway.

Eleven points to ponder…to be laminated and placed in sock drawer for ready-reference or to dangle around neck with handy lanyard.

1) Avoid cubicles. To earn a living, most Americans spend the better part of their lives toiling away in work cubicles. Cubicles are soul-stealers. No matter what kind of 401K package they try to lure you in with─beware! Better to work fixing toilets or join a road crew pouring wet cement. Avoid any job that confines you to anything square or rectangular. Cubicles are crypts in disguise.

2) Collect discarded things. A plastic, one-armed Alvin the Chipmunk and two rusted key-chains sit on my nightstand. Discarded objects are great keepsakes from the life that ebbs and flows all around you. You’ll find really cool stuff if you get in the habit of looking among the bits of broken glass, pork rind bags, and forgotten lottery tickets. Usually discarded chachka is full of hidden meaning, plus they make really great conversation starters.

3) Read the subscript. The subscript is the cryptic meaning behind and phrases. For example: “This job will require you to wear many hats,” really means, “We’ve slashed our staff because we’re greedy executives and would like some dumb ass like you to work four jobs for the price of one so we can continue paying the expensive dock slip fees for our boats at Lake Fancy Pants.” See what I mean? Read the subscript.

4) Surround yourself with positivity. Negativity will grind your soul to dust. Avoid negative people like the Ebola virus. By no fault of their own (DNA or upbringing or whatever) negative thinking is so deeply rooted that it would take an oil rig to excavate and a team of greatly-informed-hoo-ha-minds to debunk. Negativity is like those tiny fibers that nab the culprit every time in shows like CSI and Criminal Minds─so insidious you don’t even know they’re lurking about. But negativity can be deadly. Take two days. Interact with only negative people the first day; the second day, interact with people who exude positivity. At the end of day one; you’ll want to pull a Sylvia Plath. At the end of day two; you’ll feel like you hung the sun, the moon, the stars, and all the accompanying incandescence.

5) Share (even when it hurts). Even when you’ve been injured and shutting down feels more comfortable than sharing, find the courage to share. Life is too huge to manage all alone and there are people right now who care about you and these people would like nothing more than to help shoulder your pain. In fact, bearing some of your pain will likely help them to dissolve their own. Sharing even when it hurts can 1) help to pull you out of your emotional doldrums and b) help someone else in the process. So, for gods sakes don’t be so stingy with your pain.

6) Live Simply. Live as simply as possible. Guard against heaping too much on your plate, don’t over-book, and be conscious and careful about what you agree to. Complexity adds layers─so many that sometimes it may feel hard to breathe. Looking back, my happiest times were when I had a few obligations and even fewer essentials: a firm mattress, a decent coffee maker, a window. Try it for a week, a month, or from here on out and you’ll see what I mean.

7) Be a Good Listener. Listening is the backbone of every relationship and the only way to gain anyone’s trust. To be a good listener, hear everything that’s being said without judgment. Even if what they’re saying flies in the face of what you believe, you must set that aside because for that moment, it’s not about what you believe, it’s about giving them the space that they need be heard. And by the way, don’t just listen to their words, “listen” to the expression on their face, “listen” to their tone, and “listen” to their posture. The significant relationships I’ve had have all boiled down to on thing─listening. Listening is the building block for any relationship─friendship, romance, and business or otherwise.

8) Move against the grain Robert Frost was right. Take the path less traveled on and it will make all the difference.

9) Avoid doing other people’s work. Since you’re talented, smart, and hard-working; people who are otherwise will do whatever it takes to get you to do their work for them. Don’t do it. Stick to your guns. Doing other people’s work will make you resentful and will deprive them of learning how to do it for themselves.

10) Acknowledge. If someone sends you a postcard, acknowledge it. If someone rises to the occasion, acknowledge it. If someone works with uncommon devotion, acknowledge it. If someone goes out of their way in any way, acknowledge it. Kind and conscious people typically don’t seek praise, but acknowledging their acts and efforts will make them feel remarkably affirmed and uplifted.

11) Do whatever it takes to be happy. I saved this for last because it’s the most important advice I can think of. If you must move to Indonesia to be happy, do it. If you must divorce your husband of 83 years to be happy, do it. If you must write sappy romance novels to be happy, do it. Do whatever it take to be happy even if you end up looking a little crazy in the process. Do it. Here’s what I mean: Margaret Mitchell resigned from her cushy job at the Atlanta Journal to write what turned out to be the next great American novel. “I’m resigning from my job to write my novel,” she said to her pot-bellied boss (okay, he might not have had a pot-belly but that’s how he looks in my brain, at least metaphorically). He responded without looking up from his portly desk, “Yeah, well, when your book flops, don’t come groveling to me expecting to get your job back.” I know this quote is inaccurate but the meaning is all there. Margaret (now we’re on a first name basis you see) did what she had to do to make her happy. Now it’s your turn. Embrace the challenge. You’re so worth it.

Bottle #LIB 10214

Mom,
I know that deep down you know I love you - but I also know that I haven't been very good at letting you know.

My recollection is that I was an average teenager who was appropriately annoyed by her parents - but now, at age 33, I find myself at my worst when we're together. When we're apart, I talk about what a cool and hip mom I have, but when we're together, I see a woman who is getting older and isn't taking care of herself like I think she should - which includes poisoning her body with cigarettes and no exercise. Why should this affect me so much? You've never been a person to move her body - and you've probably smoked since you were a teenager. And it's your life, not mine.

Before you visit, I plan to not let myself be frustrated or annoyed by your slow pace and bad hearing - but about 2 minutes into your visit, I find myself so upset that I'm sometimes in tears and that doesn't help either of us. Then, after you leave, I feel badly about how I acted and I know that you must feel terrible, too.

I do appreciate how you think of me and how you care about me and others. You're supportive and kind and thoughtful and you're good at showing that. And, you're patient with me when I should be nicer.

I love you and I wish I had more time to figure this daughter-mother thing out.

AR

Bottle #LIB 10213

My closing breath is imminent.
I find this pen & paper, bottle and cork and laugh out loud alone, absurd. Flailing arms attempt to record; predictably I will join the sea of souls. This medium to expel a final breathing message to a random passerby is no accident. Apparently, I am to write. Should I be panicking?
It is clear that my boat is sinking; it appears the physical joys of human existence will end. Yet, I see no lack. I feel connected to everything and everyone, do you feel that?
Peace of mind enters as the bright light extinguishes my illusion of needs.
The journey to forever begins today.
Relax.

Bottle #LIB 10212

To my family,
The ship is sinking and I am not sure of our outcome. It looks like this might be my last time to communicate. Karen, please know that I love you more than life itself. Assure the girls and the rest of the family I have said my prayers and I am at peace. I want you all to take care of each other. Embrace life to the fullest. Having said that I hope I pull a MacGyver and deliver this note in person. With all my love R

Bottle #LIB 10209

I only have a few minutes left, so I am writing this to say goodbye and I love you to my friends and family. I regret not being able to see all that life has to offer and that my last contribution to this earth is becoming fish food- LP

Bottle #LIB 10208

Thank you to everyone for making my life so incredible. I haven't wanted for much in this life and I owe it all to my wonderful friends and family.

Please take care of my kittens and my boyfriend. Be good to each other as though I were watching and judging you. I will be.

And since I am dying, I want a big party in my memory. Free-flowing alcohol, fried chicken, pickled shrimp, and prosciutto-wrapped asparagus to be served. Have some of my friends sing and dance; it would be especially nice if someone would perform one or two of my songs. No long-winded lamentations; I'm going down with the ship here, so my life was lived to the fullest.

Love to all.
M>>

Bottle #LIB 10207

World,

I wasn't done.

Until now, I thought that I had no regrets. And I don't when it comes to experiences I've had and choices I've made, and even the crazy people I've loved. I don't even regret my "bad" decisions (mom, teasingly with joy, even the tattoos)... I like who I've turned out to be because of my experiences, I like that I can empathize because of them, and I like that I've been able to choose another way. I've lived more than one kind of life so far and I'm more than grateful for the experience.

But, I regret that I haven't offered you more- that I've squandered my talent while trying to figure out how to make money using it- that my generosity has been limited by fear- that my spontaneity and love of play have been dampened by my drive- that my enjoyment of life and free time has been limited by my desire to become important.

I've been a slave to my ego, who sometimes hides in the desire for other's approval, and I have very little evidence of good to show for it.

I imagined that I would become an amazing transformational portrait photographer and artist... that person by person I could awaken people to their own beauty and power and play... But, then again, maybe that's more about wanting to awaken that within myself...

It seems that in all my desire to leave the world a better place, I've still managed to be selfish.

To my family,
Thank you mom and dad for tolerating me and all my sadness and anger through my teens and early twenties- long enough to see me and love me all over again as the person I became... Laura, I love you and I wish I'd gotten a chance to see the peanut as a real baby... Kevin, treat my sister well... I know you will... I'm glad you joined our family... it's like you've always been one of us.

To my friends and family,
Thank you all for appreciating me in ways I have yet to appreciate myself. I admire you all- what a posse of amazing, creative, smart, funny, loving, people... I really was blessed to have you in my life.

SR